Why is there traffic queues at the border?

The border queues and the traffic jams are exceptional at the moment. It can take about 1 and a half to go about two kilometers. The Gibraltar Chronicle's take on this and the reasons for it is this:

The real story behind the frontier delays
AIRPORT ACTIVITY AND TRAFFIC VOLUME RESPONSIBLE FOR QUEUES, SAYS EXPERT
Traffic queues have made an unwelcome reappearance at the frontier in recent weeks provoking much criticism from the general public. Motorists have experienced delays of over an hour and a half to cross into La Linea - an experience that is always frustrating but becomes even more unpleasant at the height of summer. However according to a local expert who has vast experience in the subject matter, there is a straightforward and non-political explanation for frontier delays, namely the huge volume of traffic coming into Gibraltar during the summer months, and the fact that the Rock's main entry and exit road doubles as an airport causing inevitable traffic congestion when flights are landing or taking off.

no shit sherlock! This article was brought to my attention by an ex co worker who planned on writing a letter to the paper questioning this "expert" who claims traffic is to blame for the traffic... Exceptionally funny. A local expert with vast experience...

I believe part of the problem can be found later on in the article:

"The Progressive Democratic Party note the recent increase of extensive frontier queues. It is unacceptable that these should be there in the first place. It is well-known that Spain turns queues off and on almost as easily as a tap of water on the back of an administrative whim. It is easy to find excuses such as volume of traffic or manning levels but the reality is that citizens suffer and that Spain can, if it really wished to, resolve the situation in a more decisive and permanent way."

The problem isn't the Spanish, it is the Gibraltarian attitude towards the Spanish, blaming them for everything! Everything that is wrong in Gib is either the direct cause of the Spanish or the fact that the border was closed for years. But if the traffic problem is completely up to the Spanish then why is there traffic going IN to Gib as well? Have they ever considered the fact that it might be due to the fact that during school terms, the people queuing in in the morning are mostly mums on school runs, who will drive out during the day. Now there is no queue in the morning to people who would normally park in Spain drive in meaning that everyone that drive in to Gib drive out at the same time when they finish work...

IT'S TRAFFIC PEOPLE NOT BRAIN SURGERY!

My opionion on the border issue is that it is a load of bollocks. It's not exactly a conflict on the same scale as the freaking Gaza strip! GET OVER IT! Come get on with it! So what Spain wants Gib back? Do what you can to show them how silly it would be for one EU member state to give a pretty much independent territory to another member state?! Come on. UK don’t give a shit about you. Sort out your VAT and become full members of the EU on your own.

Why do Gib cabs charge so much extra?

My first major faux pas in gib was in relation to just this. They drive around in huge 7 seater vans and charge you an additional quid if you are more than two people?! And they charge you extra if you have any bags! Hilarious. What is less hilarious are the cabbies who have fixed their meter… see their rate starts at £2.40, you are then charged 15p per minute or 200m whichever comes first, HOWEVER in some cabs it more 15p per 15 seconds, or they’ll have their own exchange rates if you pay in euro, usually €2 to the pound. Lovely. And then of course charging you two rates if you decide to go to the border with someone also waiting in the queue. It was the extra passenger charge that led me to call the cabbie a gibbo – I believe my exact words were: you gibbos do know how to over charge. Wonder why no one likes them...

Saw a pathetic sign today for bicycle week… I’m not sure who is behind this clever idea, but they sure don’t know that much about human behaviour. No one is going to start cycling for ONE WEEK only because of some pathetic sign. And if you’re trying to get more overweight polluting locals to take the bike instead of the car it probably will take a lot more than “bicycle week”. However applying the lack of reason law they all seem to apply it might just work wonders for the traffic…

There is a brilliant clip on youtube where someone calls up the Gib gov and wants to speak to Curana, claiming to be Tony Blair telling them Gordon Brown is selling Gib to the Americans :)
http://youtube.com/watch?v=MqckNjzSVLU

Why are there "street perfomers" in Gib?

Why on earth should you give someone money for standing still wearing a sheet?! You might as well sit down get a take away coffee mug and write "hungry and homeless" in charcoal on a piece of carton, because there is NO WAY i am going to "pay" to be entertained by a muppet standing freaking still! I know there are people in many cities doing the living statue thing all over the world, and they are all equally stupid. But walking down that famous street in Florence with dozens of living statutes in fantastic and inventive costumes who actually do some sort of street art when they get some money, is slightly different from walking down mainstreet and there is a dumbass wearing a sheet standing somewhat still and will get into a new position if he gets a quid... The thing in Gib is us non tourists get to know these irritating people (not personally of course but you see them hanging around day after day) and the two worst ones are: The guy with the ukulele outside Marks & Spencers, he sings annoying tunes badly and will always try and cheer you up when you walk by saying some stupid comment. Secondly (haven't seem him for a while though thank god!) is the living statue guy wearing that stupid tie and briefcase, he's annoying not only because he's trying to stand still for money, but because you see him walking around in his stupid costume! Today there was a guy with a bongo drum and a girl doing some sort of contemporary dance bullshit in casemates. I danced for 6-7 years and I did contemporary, jazz, ballet, hiphop mostly everything. I'm not saying I'm a great dancer but i get dance. The reason this one was particularly annoying is because she would walk around "getting into character" mostly walk but then suddenly make a little jump or a pirouette or throw her hands into the air, i hate that pretentious bullshit! Just dance or stop moving. And all this only to start doing some strange belly-dancing-Beyonce-booty-shake, IN TRACKSUIT BOTTOMS! Call that street/performance art?! It seems (not surprisingly) that Gib attracts the worst performers in the world.

Why would the gym be open when people want to work out?

I have now finally deciphered the reasoning behind the Gibraltarian way! In any given situation, the option or possibility that makes the least sense is the one the Gibraltarians will pick. Like when to clean the runway - morning rush hour or mid afternoon? When to shut down water/electricity supply for maintenance work - day or night? These situations however do not have any economical incentives, the airport authority wont loose money depending on when they close the runway. One would think that this law of (lack of) reason would not apply to businesses, that they would maintain a profit focused basis for their decisions. But oh no they don't! Shops on main street will close down the day before a sale to prepare, instead of doing it after work hours. They will not stock or order in more of popular items.

The opening hours and membership options at the newly opened Korner Gym therefore did not come as a surprise to me. I was simply stunned and amazed they were actually open for business. They are currently open between 11am and 13pm, and then again between 6pm and 8pm. It is not possible to pay for a single hour or visit, one must become a member at a monthly fee of £50. Working out is something I prefer to be convenient, easy and flexible. I am sure there are a few more out there who share my view on this. I am guessing they are trying to target people during lunch and after work. But having the gym open for only 4 hours a day is plain fucking stupid. How are you going to make money if people cant use your service?! This is where I simply loose hope...

ALL I WANT IS A GYM THAT IS OPEN WHEN I WANT TO USE IT! Is that so much to ask for?

Why is there not a webcam at the border?

I have for some time (amongst several other things) wished there to be a webcam at the border and the runway so that one could have a look at the traffic situation before attempting to leave (god forbid to go shopping on the other side) Gibraltar. As we all know the traffic situation getting in and out of Gibraltar is everything but pleasant. And since there appear to be no apparent logic (why would there be?) behind the longs queues at the border at different times during the day, I started Googling for webcams in Gib. Here is the result:

Gibraltar - Street Views This webcam is looking in the direction of Safeway Gibraltar.
View of the Bay and Strait of GibraltarPanoramic view of the Bay and Strait of Gibraltar. Image updated every 3 seconds. Camera rotated periodically.
Casemates - Street CamTake control of this network camera PTZ around Gibraltar's vibrant entertainment centre Casemates, live around the clock.
Piazza camCam overlooking Piazza in Gibraltar

Now, I know there are a lot of weird people around the world who watch all sorts of crap on webcams, however most webcams serve at least some sort of purpose. Allowing you to check the weather at the beach, check the traffic, because(although the clearly exist) there is no point in having a webcame showing absolutely nothing of substance. I find these fine choices of Gibraltar webcams particularly funny, how can you not laugh at a webcam showing Safeways parking lot! Or the irony of the description of Casemates as Gibraltar's vibrant entertainment centre!!! Come on people.

Whilst going through the Google results on Gib webcams I came across the website of Gibraltar Local Disability Movement (please insert joke here) offering to host your webcame, this is the message on their website (I will not mention the spelling mistakes and interesting grammar, but will add a quote about the Gib Chronicle made by Gib's finest recruitment agent: "the best thing about the Gib Chronicle is spotting all the spelling and grammar mistakes on the front page, draw a line and see what picture it makes that day")

Do you like to have your webcam on the internet showing were you are living in Gibraltar?You can even if you have not got a website, we will help you all the way in setting it up and at no cost to you. All you need is a webcam and a internet connection.The Webcam if you have not got one can cost as little as £25 and you must have, its the only thing you must get and we will give you all that is needed to have your cam up and running in no time.This offer is only for people in GibraltarWe will give you.The Software and a webpage were you can tell your friends, family were they can see were you live. And the good thing it’s free!All we ask is that you must live in Gibraltar, have an ADSL connection, and keep your webcam running. We will host your webcam on our site.E-Mail us and let us know you like to have your own webcam Live on the internet by Clicking Here

So I did send them an email, hoping to open their eyes about webcames with a purpose. I doubt any one will ever come back to me but I cannot leave this place without sending at least one email to the Gib Gov (do they have computers or do they only except snail mail?) and of all the things I can think of to improve this place, a webcam of the border might be something the Gib Gov can get their head around. I have also sent an email to GibTelecom suggest that they add to their Piazza Cam a border cam...

I will keep you posted on any progress! Watch this space.....

Why is there no freaking water?!

Sometimes living in Gib you get an insight of what it is like to live in a third world country, albeit a third world country with more billionairesw walking down the street than anywhere else...

Let's discuss the water supply shall we....
In Gibraltar in order to be able to flush sewage right into the sea we flush our toilettes with salt water... You do the destruction math on that.

So there is a difference between drinking water and toilette water, this is a very common post in the 'recent news section' on the AquaGib website (lyonnaise.gi)

In order to enable AquaGib Ltd to carry out planned works on the POTABLE water distribution network the supply of POTABLE water to the following areas will be cut off on Wednesday 11 July 2007 from 11.00 pm to 6.00 am.

In order to enable AquaGib Ltd to carry out planned works on the POTABLE water distribution network the supply of POTABLE water to the following areas will be cut off on Thursday 12 July 2007 from 9.00 am to 12.00 pm.

Why do it during the day you might ask? I am fairly certain that the imagined phone conversation I depicted yesterday will apply here too.

I do accept that maintenance work has to be carried out from time to time, and at least they give you some sort of warning. However messages like this frankly scare me, especially since I was feeling rather ill after drinking water...

We have been informed by Aqua Gib that they have had to add extra chlorine to the drinking water in Gibraltar due to a virus breaking out in the north district.

Being from Sweden I am exceptionally spoiled with clean fresh water, we bottle tap water and sell it to the English! To me drinking water that tastes or smells of chlorine is wrong. If that much chlorine is needed surely the water isn't clean enough from the start, and in this case CLEARLY not.

Is fresh drinkable water too much to ask for? I understand the water shortage and poor quality of water in Spain. The region is dry and exceptionally poor. Gibraltar might me dry but it is certainly not poor. And it's certainly not over populated either. So why oh WHY does it sometimes seem like you live in a third world country? Summer hours? Probably....

Why Why Why Why Why!?!!?

Is it that ALL roadworks and flower maintenance and watering has to HAS TO be done at around 9am in the morning? Why? I mean why on earth would you want to make a really really bad traffic situation worse?! Why? The roads are already mayhem in the morning, mostly due to the fact that the person in charge of road planning in Gib clearly is addicted to acid. Gibraltar probably has two of THE most fascinating intersections in the world. The first one as you drive into Gib, by the Shell garage near the runway. I am unable to even begin to explain this utter chaos of roads and roundabouts with traffic lights IN them, half way intersections without traffic lights. Can someone explain why they didn't just make one big roundabout? They seem so fond of the everywhere else... The second one, and this one looks like something a kid would make with a toy race track, i mean what the fuck happened up around Queens cinema (which I refuse to go to - hence no posts about it but I am sure it deserve a special blog all together)?! I would post pictures from Google earth but the resolution over Gib isn't good enough, wonder why...

You might have notice i have left the runway/border part out of this post which is mainly to keep my blood pressure down. But since there will be a tunnel in place by the end of 2009 I'm not to concerned about it any more. And frankly together with the new terminal (do you think they might call this one south?) that will be ready next year it will just be bliss to drive in and out of Gib again.... WHAT?! they haven't started yet?! So when will it be ready? Never you say, oh, go figure.... I did wonder what they would do with the border queue since it would seem to dangerous to have all those cars stuck in a tunnel underneath the runway.. hmmm.

I really really and I mean really cannot get my head around this, so in the cab this morning (I know I know but it was really hot and I had forgotten my shades...) when stuck in what seemed to be a completely unnecessary traffic jam (caused by the flower people closing one lane in acid land intersection) I wondered what the Gib Gov department in charge of flower maintenance would say if I called them and wondered about their time planning. This is how I imagined it might pan out..

- Good Morning Sir (you know it's a sir because the government only hires Gibraltarians and Gibraltarian women aren't allowed to work - they have children..)
- Good Morning
- I have a question, how come all the road maintenance and flower maintenance in Gib has to take place during morning rush hour? It seems to cause so much unnecessary disruption to the traffic, would it not make more sense to perhaps push it back an hour or two until it has calmed down a bit?
- Pero... That's when they start work, no. They have all these flowers to water and so if they are going to water them all they have to start somewhere and that's why they do it at that time, no.
- Oh ok, so when do they finish? I mean there's not that many roundabouts and sidewalks to water..
- They finish at one no.
- I see, summer hours...
- So how about starting at the other end of Gib and not at the runway? That way by the time they get to the runway it will be later and less traffic, meaning less disruption and also your guys wouldn't have to be in the middle of all those fumes?
- Pero no pero si pero no, no that would make to much sense.. CANNOT COMPUTE!!!!!!!

Why is everything in Gib so bloody inconvenient?

Ok, I know I'm pushing it now (see post below) PLEASE STOP READING IF YOU SEE WHERE THIS IS HEADING AND MIGHT FEEL OFFENDED! I will stress this again, I take no responsibility for people feeling offended, since it would undermine one of the core foundations of our society namely freedom of speech. There, now onto today's subject - inconvenience. Having one of those difficult mornings adjusting to Gib after a weekend in Spain I asked myself why can't things be more convenient in Gib? I asked a friend of mine to give me examples of things one might take for granted in a larger city lets say London such as going to the gym, a night out, getting a coffee in the morning, getting a facial, picking up an outfit, taking care of banking, tax etc. I started going over how I would go about doing these things here in Gib trying to come to a conclusion whether or not things actually are more inconvenient in Gib. Lets start from the top of my examples, going to the gym. As far as I am aware there is one gym at the Life Centre (?), I have to admit I have not been there but I have been told it is expensive, rather small and lack air con, the only other gym I know that is open to the public is the gym at the Caleta hotel, which is beyond the scale of expensive, is on the other side of the rock (meaning it’s not like you pop by on your lunch) and is the size of a shoe box. I know there are other gyms around Gib, however they are not easily accessible, they are expensive and not to a very good standard. So going to a 45min yoga session before work, or a refreshing swim during lunch (oh no I am not putting my foot at Gasa) , or even a hardcore bodypump (the only gym classes in gib is one spinning class at the squash club(!?) and an aerobics/step which I honestly thought was extinct in the 90's) after work is not really an option. Next example, eating out, now this might be a bit offensive to some (see my previous post) but I am sure that if you are offended by my blog you would have stopped reading a long time ago so I am going to say what I have to say any way. The top restaurants in Gib are: Gaucho’s, Thyme, Nuno’s, and possibly the Waterfront. Now as you can see the scope of places is limited, but fair enough it is a small place. I have indeed eaten at all of these places more than ones so I think I am entitled to give my review of them. Now Gaucho’s, there is nothing wrong with either the food or the service at this place (some would even suggest that the steak is the best there is but the clearly haven’t been to Patagonia – which just happens to be on the other side of the border) so why do I not like eating there? Well imagine an enclosed space, slightly cave like, with an open fire inside and no ventilation (what so ever), is that a place you'd like to spend an evening? Next top restaurant Thyme, decent food set in the strangest setting I have seen in a very very long time, more specifically the teacher's lounge at my school, even has the same colour scheme. Next Nuno's, here we have to opposite, rather nice setting overlooking the ocean, but the food is really mediocre. Waterfront, my mother would cook better with a hangover. With this kind of limited range of option (let's be honest neither which is that appealing) your only option is to go to Spain. Needless to say if you have to go to a different country to have a night out it is most definitely inconvenient. And I haven't even touched upon the complete lack of places to have a drink or two.

I am already dragging on (but since I know no one is reading I might as well!) but let me give you another example, this one is my favourite, cash points. There are (in total) 6 cash points in this country. 3 of which only accepts Barclay's cards (Barclays in Gib requires a whole blog on it's own and is better written by someone else, I don't believe it's ACTUALLY a bank, it's just a facade..) so that leaves us non Barclay's customers with 3 cash points, 2 which are situated at Natwest and one at RBS. Funnily enough neither are situated in a convenient place, nearby places where one would pass by, or anywhere near a place where one could spend the cash. For me having to make a trip specifically to the cash point instead of it being something you do on the way is inconvenient.
My point is not that nothing in Gib is as good as in London, my point is why is it not? What is keeping Gib from being just as good as any other developed country? Why can there not be a decent gym, why can there not be a wine bar with a lovely restaurant, why can there not be a coffee shop that knows how to use and espresso machine and that uses fresh milk? Why is that so hard? Is it the border? Is it lack of money? It seems odd if it would be the border since what comes IN to Gib is regulated by the Gibraltarians. It would also seem very odd if it in the country with the highest density of billionaires would be difficult to find funds. I cannot get my head around it… Please enlighten me.

Why are Gibraltarians so easily offended?

One thing that has puzzled me ever since I realized ‘gibbo’ was not the equivalent to ‘kiwi’ or ‘aussi’ is why Gibraltarians are so overly defensive and patriotic about Gib, why they seem to take anything regarding Gibraltar personally.

Even writing this is making me think “oooh hope they don’t get upset”…

If one were to complain lets say about the UK, making a comment like - there are no decent restaurants in the UK, the food is just awful! I doubt that many British citizens would feel personally hurt and offended. However substitute UK for Gib and the response you are likely to get from your fellow Gibraltarian is ‘why don’t you go to Spain then if you think Gib is so bad!’ One does not quite expect Gordon Ramsay to say, well why don’t you just go and eat in France then if it is so terrible in the UK!

Now I have nothing against patriotism (except perhaps for the American Christian fundamentalist one) but there is a line between patriotism and taking criticism against your country personally. Why should I not be able to say the food is shit, that there is no shopping and wonder why the only famous person coming out of Gib is John Galliano (yes, I do know that John Lennon and Yoko Ono got married here but that doesn’t quite count) without being accused of saying hurtful things about Gibraltarians?

One could say that by knowing that Gibraltarians get hurt by complaining or criticising about Gib one should not do so out of concern for them. But any politically minded person would of course not abide to such a silly claim, because there is a different between being hurt and being offended and being critical against a country does not constitute being hurtful to an individual.

I do understand the defensive approach Gibraltarians have against anything anti-Gib to some extent. I understand that the victimisation felt by Gibraltarians explain a lot about their defensive approach and how they feel about the rock. Although (and I realise I am treading on thin ice now and might be deported for saying so) it is time to get over the fact that the border was closed for 20 years and stop using it as an excuse in every matter.

Also the fact that the Gibraltarians complain and criticize the rock just as much as any other foreigner makes it hard for them to explain why anyone else living here should not be allowed to.

Please do fill me in on why Gibraltarians are so easily offended, my conclusion is it’s a bit like family, you can have a go at them but it’s not OK for your mate to slag off your mum.